So to start this post let me just say that yesterday and the wee hours of today have been filled with a weird mixture of denial, sadness, fear, anxiety, giddiness, and other indistinguishable emotions. They all mixed together and created a hazy state that I couldn’t shake off all day. I wouldn’t say this is a bad thing, but its not a great thing either. I always pictured the days leading up to the big day full of endless amounts of excitement, but I found myself overwhelmed with everything but! I mean I thought I would a be a freaking ray of sunshine in the rainy sky yesterday and I was just added to the grey gloominess! Anyway I realize now that the reason I feel this way is because I don’t know whats ahead of me. I’ve dreamed of this day for SOOOOOOO long, but there is no way to plan for whats to come. Fate has a plan for me and it doesn’t want to share! Its scary to think what will happen during my time abroad, but I’m eager to see how it will change me for the better. Nothing has brought me down so far. So Spain…..BRING IT ON!
On a not so emotionally heavy note, I think I got everything packed! FINALLY! Why did no one tell me how hard packing is? I mean come on! The airline is forcing me to put my entire life in a zippered bag. It’s insanity! Well anyways I did it, but some things were sacrificed……
No but really it was quite hard to let some things go (yes I am having a girl moment right now), but lets hope that what I bring works out. 🙂
On a final note I have to state that the whole entire foundation of my hazy state of mind is fear. Fear of the unknown and what will be. The little girl in me is hiding under her pink teddy bear blanket, holding her pink teddy bear, and pretending that the fear well be over soon. But the adult me knows that that same fear is what will ultimately push me forward. I hope to learn the importance of its presence in my life throughout my journey. I leave you with this quotation by a great man which only strengthens my resolve.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” -Nelson Mandela